A Rescue Story

He was small, blind, and shaking when we first met. His small orange paws clung to my shirt and my earrings and my hair--whatever he could grasp. As I knelt down in front of him, he purred at the sound of my voice, coming toward it, head bent to feel the warmth of touch.

From the moment I saw him, I was smitten with that peculiar love that grows for once lost things. Abandoned in the middle of the road, this helpless creature had a very low chance of survival. Cars, careless people, larger animals, and the harsh elements of nature were gigantic foes that seemed insurmountable. But, one compassionate act led to another (as most compassionate acts do), and he was rescued from the highway and brought safely indoors. What to do with him then? He could not become a permanent fixture in the office, and as attached as I had become, I simply could not keep him.

Lucky for us, some of my closest friends had the space in their home (and their hearts) for a new pet. He was adopted. Now, he is a loved, protected, and important member of the family. One of the first times I came over to see him in his new environment, my friend commented on how much I must love a good rescue story...she knows me well. You see, it's very true.

I am a sucker for a good rescue story. I clap my hands for joy (every time) when Aslan charges over the hill, roars, turns the tide of battle, and saves the day. I cry tears of happiness when the Eagles rescue Sam and Frodo from imminent death on the disintegrating Mt. Doom. My heart flutters when Ivanhoe is victorious and Rebecca is saved from an unjust execution. There is just something unbelievably and unexplainably satisfying to me about a good rescue story in a book, a movie, or on television--but what about in my own life?

Truth is, we are all in the middle of our own rescue stories. For some of us, we are still in the thick of battle. It is dark. We are surrounded, and we are afraid. For others, we've just been liberated and celebrations abound. Still for others, we are facing the beginning of an uncertain and arduous path, where villians and shadows are certain to dwell.

But, we MUST remember it is a RESCUE story! It is going to be ok, because there is no path too dark, no shadow too large, and not battle too fierce that it places us outside the reach of the Author. So, whatever chapter you are in...hold onto hope. No chapter lasts forever and the ending of the story is guaranteed to be worth it!

Who Am I???

My last two posts have focused pretty heavily on not letting anyone or anything define our worth, define us. But, what do you do when you don't really know who you are? How do you say "NO!" to false identifiers, when you are not sure what your true identity is? This is where I feel I am at. Part of me thinks that it is normal--this constant change and transformation. Life is about growth! We are constantly being made new, right? Also, I think it is a normal "20 Something" feeling to not really know who you are and what you are about. You discover these things as you go. However, I also feel like not knowing who you are in a world that is constantly trying to make you into something else is a dangerous thing. So, who is Bethany Wade? I get glimpses of who I really am, I think, every once in a while. These glimpses have begun to be more like long glances--with the exception of today, which was pure chaos. I don't know where real Bethany went. She was probably hiding from crazy, anxious, insecure Bethany. That girl's a menace! ;) What was reinforced to me today in several ways was that I would not feel so insecure, my relationships would not seem so shaky, and I just generally wouldn't be sp freaked out by life if I had more of a handle of Who I am. If I knew it, accepted it, embraced it, and celebrated it. Truth is, we cannot go through life being strangers to ourselves. The world needs a people who know who they are and what they are about. So, this is the plan. And to all you soul-searchers who are reading this tonight, I encourage you to do this with me... Take a sheet of paper. It could be in a notebook, a piece of computer paper plastered to your fridge, or a Word Document on your computer. But, get yourself and empty sheet of paper and write this questions at the top: "Who Am I?" Now, here is the tricky part--don't answer it right away. Pray. Ask God to show you who you are. Ask Him to give you specific words to describe yourself. I mean, He created us. If anyone could and should tell us who we really are, past the fears, the hurts, the insecurities, and the struggles...He would be the one. Then, write that truth down...and never forget it.

Self-Worth...iness!!!

I read an article in the paper that made my spirit cringe. Inner Bethany shouted "No!" as my brain processed the words I had seen. I was reading an ad for a local gym containing a testimonial. This person proclaimed that working out at this fitness facility had increased their self-worth. SELF WORTH. Those were the exact words that were used. Not self-esteem, not self-confidence but self-worth. We all know that we live in a culture which tells us from a very young age what determines our worth. Our size, shape, skin color, attitude, and intelligence all figure into the calculation. Once all has been added, subtracted, and divided, we come out with our self-worth. "I am a smidge overweight, so that is minus two, BUT I have loads of confidence and attitude. That must be plus three at least, right?" Truth is, we just need to STOP. Stop letting others or even letting ourselves in those dark, gloom filled places base our worth on things that don't matter. Our worth is not quantifiable. We are not worth more because we are married, or because we are young, or because we are wealthy, or because we weigh less than 150 pounds. We are not more worthy because we went to college or because we've traveled the globe. Our skin color, eye color, profession, or talents do not make us more or less worthy. Again, our worth is not quantifiable. We are worthy because we ARE. We exist. We were made intricately and uniquely by the Creator of the Universe. Therefore, we are worthy. We are worthy of love. We are worthy of appreciation. We are worthy of respect. We are worthy of protection. Not because we are pretty (or handsome), not because of who our husband or are wife is, not because we are skinny, not because we are outspoken. We cannot earn our worth. We are BORN with it. So, today, I encourage everyone and I encourage myself: To refuse to let anyone or anything on this earth define my worth. To draw a line in the sand, a boundary for the values and criticism of this culture, and when something or someone tries to cross it--to raise my flag higher and fight back. May you recognize your self-worthiness!

A Day Without Mirrors. A Week of Self-Worth

Today begins my week of blog posts focused around the topics of self-worth and self-image, culminating in my own mini-social experiment (thanks to some of the beautiful ladies of Realife Ministries!) I was inspired by a Blogger Challenge given by author Kjerstin Gruys. Her book, Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall, chronicles her year-long experience of going without looking at any mirrors or reflective surfaces. In it, she explains how her attitude about her body and her self as a whole shifted. (To learn more about Kjerstin and her book, click here!) One would think that by not looking in a mirror, she found herself more self-conscious and insecure. In reality, the opposite occurred. By not focusing on her physical appearance as much, she found herself liberated, empowered, and content with not only her appearance but also her personality, intellect, and relationships. Before the public release of the book, she asked bloggers to read about her journey and do their own "Day Without Mirrors." It is an interesting concept, right? Could you do it? Could you go without looking at yourself in mirrors for 365 days? I honestly found one day to be a struggle...but not for the reason that you might think. Normally, I don't spend alot of my time in front of/ or looking in mirrors. I look in the mirror to brush my hair, do my make up, and check my clothes... the rest of the day, I don't really pay much attention to how I look. So, besides styling my hair by feel and putting on minimal make up to avoid being confused with a clown, the absence of mirrors did not really change the course of my day. However, I did notice that mirrors are EVERYWHERE! I mean, besides avoiding actual mirrors in my bathroom, in my car, and at work, there are reflective surfaces all around me: car windows, computer screens, etc. It seems we can see ourselves every time we turn around. Coincidence? I think not! No wonder we live in a world where everyone looks OUT for themselves...they are literally looking AT themselves all the time! The other thing that jumped out to me during my day was that mirrors are one of the MANY things that we rely upon to tell us who we are. Some people place a huge amount of emphasis on their looks, for others it is their job, and for many more, it is their talents. The list goes on...people try to use money, relationships, smarts, humor, or sarcasm to define them. That is why Kjerstin's book is so universal to me. She basically chronicles what happens when we remove the false identifiers, when we refuse to let other people or things define who we are, how much we are worth, and what we can do. That was what kept crossing my mind today every time I averted my eyes at my own reflection. How many things, how many people do I allow to tell me who I am and dictate how I feel about myself? How often do I exchange the TRUTH of who and Whose I am for the the LIES that this world cooks up? While all of us may not feel the deep desire to go without looking in any reflective surface for a year, may we take time today to evaluate WHO or WHAT we use to define us. The truth is: We were created by God. Therefore, we matter. Therefore, we are worth it. Therefore, we are beautiful. Therefore, we are enough.

Beautiful

This piece of art was created by one of my favorite artists around today… Kelly Rae Roberts. She is truly inspirational. Both her writing and her art have been huge change agents in my life as of late. This particular piece has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks. The word “beautiful” gets tossed around a lot. However, what does “beautiful” really mean? Who defines “beautiful”? Who decides what is “beautiful” and what is not? To some, beautiful is merely an adjective used to describe the outward appearance. For much of my life (and in some moments even now), I have the tendency to limit the word beautiful in this way. However, the word, when broken apart prohibits this definition. Beautiful. Beauty-full. Full of beauty. I mean, if the term was merely based on outward appearance wouldn’t it refer to being covered in beauty? It makes my heart sing to see it reinforced in such a blatant way that beauty is indeed more than skin deep! This is what our quest should be… to not just be covered in beauty. To not have our hair or our skin or our bodies be covered in beauty without the fullness of that beauty in our hearts, souls, spirits, and minds! Instead of looking in the mirror and asking, “How do I look?” We should really be asking, “How does my heart look?” If every person on the street could see my heart as clearly as they see my made up face or my manicured nails, would they still say that I am beautiful? Some of the most beautiful people that I know will never grace the covers of magazines. To the untrained eye, they seem average, ordinary, and even mediocre. Yet, they personify the word “beauty-full.” They love. They laugh. They forgive. They give…of themselves, of their time, their energy, and their lives. They let others grow. They let others in, refusing to hoard the beauty that is within them, but sharing it with the world. They serve cups of coffee and hold the hands of children and invite people over when they would rather be resting. They sing with all their might. They are honest and true and loyal and kind. They lend. They listen. They give advice. They are not afraid to stand beside the ones they love, through the good and the bad. They believe in grace. They believe in unconditional love. They believe in redemption. They are beautiful, not because their eyes are a certain color, or their nails or a certain shape, or their hair is a certain shade, or because the scale says a certain number… but they are beautiful because of the deep, unchanging, and ageless beauty within them. Their spirits, hearts, and souls are so full of this beauty that it springs out of them and into the lives of those around them. That should be our goal-- to allow the light and love to flow from within us into the hearts and lives of others. Let us cultivate the beauty within us AND take time to recognize the beauty in others! Let us be beaty-full!

Graceful

Word of the Month: Graceful Now, I am sure when this word comes to mind, for some of you, it brings with it the image of poised ballerina or a regal woman. However, for me, this word does not quite create the same picture. Graceful, for me, simply means: Full of grace. Not in looks or movement, but full of grace in action, word, and heart. One of my closest friends is the best example of Gracefulness that I know. She is a woman of physical beauty and poise without a doubt, but it is her God-given, graceful nature that stands out. Smart. Loving. Compassionate. Serving. She opens her heart, her home, and her life to those around her. She invites people in, encouraging them with honest and uplifting words. She brings comfort and offers a place where wounded hearts and weary minds can rest. She is true, through and through. There is never any fear of judgment or betrayal with her. I know that I have received wise counsel from her dozens of times, but it is not her words that reach people in the depth of who they are, in the situations and circumstances that threaten to drown them… it is her love. Or better yet, it is His love which she allows to flow through her at all times. I remember my dear friend’s words, absolutely. But more often, I remember her hugs, her cards, her thoughtfulness, her cups of tea and coffee, her warm invitations, her smiles, her extended hand, her emails. These are the moments of grace forever imprinted upon my heart. May my life, too, be one of gracefulness. May my heart allow others to rest and be and become who God created them to be. May the doors of my home and my heart always be open to weary travelers. May I make time for the people God has placed in my life. May I always express my love, not only in words but with my actions. May encouragement and forgiveness be my constant companions. May I be a Woman of Grace. So, to this Woman of Grace… you know who you are. I thank you. I honor you. I love you.

Distorted and Distracted

I dropped my phone today. And, of course, I dropped it face down—so the screen cracked. The plastic wholeness was mangled by spider web cracks across the upper portion. It still works. The artwork by Kelly Rae Roberts still shows up whimsical and bright. But, there the cracks are, distorting my view and distracting me. Once I got past the initial “Grrrr!” of having broken my phone, I could sense it. That still small voice in my heart speaking to me, telling me: “It is not just a phone. Look closer.” The prompting in my heart and spirit did not stop until I realized: That phone is a lot like me. I still work. I still function. But, how I see myself, my relationships, my life—is cracked, distorted… in one word: broken. For the entirety of this year, God has been revealing and uprooting things in my life that do not belong. And while there has been growth (thank you, Lord!), there has been much pain, much change, and many many moments of feelings that resemble crazy. But, the glasses through which I see myself and my relationships with everyone around me have not yet been removed. How much longer will the beauty of my life and the love of others be distorted to me? How did I become this person…this fearful, anxious creature who loves but is afraid to let others too near? What part of my past still has claims to my future? What do I do now? That last question is the kicker. What. Do. I. Do. Now. Do I run? Do I cry? Do I push my feelings aside? As easy as those options feel, I don’t believe that is the path to healing or freedom or victory. And that is what I WANT . I yearn for a life of freedom and victory. I want a life of overcoming. I want a life that points others to the faithfulness and strength of God. So I simply stand here, believing that when my view is distorted and my heart and spirit are distracted, God is there. And when I pray to Him to send me people to surround me, love me, forgive me, and tell me the truth about who I am and whose I am… I know He will do that too. That’s where I am at on the journey.