Beautiful

This piece of art was created by one of my favorite artists around today… Kelly Rae Roberts. She is truly inspirational. Both her writing and her art have been huge change agents in my life as of late. This particular piece has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks. The word “beautiful” gets tossed around a lot. However, what does “beautiful” really mean? Who defines “beautiful”? Who decides what is “beautiful” and what is not? To some, beautiful is merely an adjective used to describe the outward appearance. For much of my life (and in some moments even now), I have the tendency to limit the word beautiful in this way. However, the word, when broken apart prohibits this definition. Beautiful. Beauty-full. Full of beauty. I mean, if the term was merely based on outward appearance wouldn’t it refer to being covered in beauty? It makes my heart sing to see it reinforced in such a blatant way that beauty is indeed more than skin deep! This is what our quest should be… to not just be covered in beauty. To not have our hair or our skin or our bodies be covered in beauty without the fullness of that beauty in our hearts, souls, spirits, and minds! Instead of looking in the mirror and asking, “How do I look?” We should really be asking, “How does my heart look?” If every person on the street could see my heart as clearly as they see my made up face or my manicured nails, would they still say that I am beautiful? Some of the most beautiful people that I know will never grace the covers of magazines. To the untrained eye, they seem average, ordinary, and even mediocre. Yet, they personify the word “beauty-full.” They love. They laugh. They forgive. They give…of themselves, of their time, their energy, and their lives. They let others grow. They let others in, refusing to hoard the beauty that is within them, but sharing it with the world. They serve cups of coffee and hold the hands of children and invite people over when they would rather be resting. They sing with all their might. They are honest and true and loyal and kind. They lend. They listen. They give advice. They are not afraid to stand beside the ones they love, through the good and the bad. They believe in grace. They believe in unconditional love. They believe in redemption. They are beautiful, not because their eyes are a certain color, or their nails or a certain shape, or their hair is a certain shade, or because the scale says a certain number… but they are beautiful because of the deep, unchanging, and ageless beauty within them. Their spirits, hearts, and souls are so full of this beauty that it springs out of them and into the lives of those around them. That should be our goal-- to allow the light and love to flow from within us into the hearts and lives of others. Let us cultivate the beauty within us AND take time to recognize the beauty in others! Let us be beaty-full!

Graceful

Word of the Month: Graceful Now, I am sure when this word comes to mind, for some of you, it brings with it the image of poised ballerina or a regal woman. However, for me, this word does not quite create the same picture. Graceful, for me, simply means: Full of grace. Not in looks or movement, but full of grace in action, word, and heart. One of my closest friends is the best example of Gracefulness that I know. She is a woman of physical beauty and poise without a doubt, but it is her God-given, graceful nature that stands out. Smart. Loving. Compassionate. Serving. She opens her heart, her home, and her life to those around her. She invites people in, encouraging them with honest and uplifting words. She brings comfort and offers a place where wounded hearts and weary minds can rest. She is true, through and through. There is never any fear of judgment or betrayal with her. I know that I have received wise counsel from her dozens of times, but it is not her words that reach people in the depth of who they are, in the situations and circumstances that threaten to drown them… it is her love. Or better yet, it is His love which she allows to flow through her at all times. I remember my dear friend’s words, absolutely. But more often, I remember her hugs, her cards, her thoughtfulness, her cups of tea and coffee, her warm invitations, her smiles, her extended hand, her emails. These are the moments of grace forever imprinted upon my heart. May my life, too, be one of gracefulness. May my heart allow others to rest and be and become who God created them to be. May the doors of my home and my heart always be open to weary travelers. May I make time for the people God has placed in my life. May I always express my love, not only in words but with my actions. May encouragement and forgiveness be my constant companions. May I be a Woman of Grace. So, to this Woman of Grace… you know who you are. I thank you. I honor you. I love you.

Distorted and Distracted

I dropped my phone today. And, of course, I dropped it face down—so the screen cracked. The plastic wholeness was mangled by spider web cracks across the upper portion. It still works. The artwork by Kelly Rae Roberts still shows up whimsical and bright. But, there the cracks are, distorting my view and distracting me. Once I got past the initial “Grrrr!” of having broken my phone, I could sense it. That still small voice in my heart speaking to me, telling me: “It is not just a phone. Look closer.” The prompting in my heart and spirit did not stop until I realized: That phone is a lot like me. I still work. I still function. But, how I see myself, my relationships, my life—is cracked, distorted… in one word: broken. For the entirety of this year, God has been revealing and uprooting things in my life that do not belong. And while there has been growth (thank you, Lord!), there has been much pain, much change, and many many moments of feelings that resemble crazy. But, the glasses through which I see myself and my relationships with everyone around me have not yet been removed. How much longer will the beauty of my life and the love of others be distorted to me? How did I become this person…this fearful, anxious creature who loves but is afraid to let others too near? What part of my past still has claims to my future? What do I do now? That last question is the kicker. What. Do. I. Do. Now. Do I run? Do I cry? Do I push my feelings aside? As easy as those options feel, I don’t believe that is the path to healing or freedom or victory. And that is what I WANT . I yearn for a life of freedom and victory. I want a life of overcoming. I want a life that points others to the faithfulness and strength of God. So I simply stand here, believing that when my view is distorted and my heart and spirit are distracted, God is there. And when I pray to Him to send me people to surround me, love me, forgive me, and tell me the truth about who I am and whose I am… I know He will do that too. That’s where I am at on the journey.

Antidreariness

It is rainy, dreary, and dark outside... so I figured I would use this opportunity to boost my optimism and list some of the things that I love today. Today, I love: 1. Cute shoes. Come rain or shine, muddy or dry ground... tell me a cute pair of shoes don't make you smile? Take these lovelies for instance... thank you, best friend for the birthday present!

2. Medieval English. Thanks to the mutual whimsy of a friend, a very mundane conversation was able to include lots of thou's, -est's, etc. Believe me, it totally intellectualizes texting. 3. My gypsy earrings. A purchase from RenFair 2010, these babies are still making me smile! They are bright, mismatched, plus they make a great sound when you walk!

4. Jesus Culture. I feel like I have youtubed them a thousand times over the course of the day. Momentary favorites: My Soul Longs For You, Sing My Love, and Where You Go I Go. 5. Strangers' Love Stories. I love the unlikeliness of love. I love stories where God moves people who are meant for each other into the perfect places and phases in life in order to meet. I love the unlikeliness of love. I love how people can look back and see God's hands all over their relationships. It makes be hopeful and prayerful. 6. Skirts that twirl. No explanation required. Skirts that twirl...well, skirts that twirl well are necessary on days like today when both water and the humid air feels stagnate. 7. Ice. No, not the watery, wintry substance (although, as hot as it has been lately, I would LOVE that too!). This book by Sarah Beth Durst kind of reminds me of The Golden Compass without all the anti-Christianity undertones. The magic of the Arctic, a strong female lead, talking Polar Bears... it's all there! So many things to love, so little time!!

To My Mother...

Words cannot describe my mother. Funny. Lovely. Witty. Intelligent. Strong. Comforting. Loving. Honest. Protective. Fierce. All of these words accurately describe her, but, in truth, none of them do her justice. No words can capture her spirit, her heart, or the imprint she has made on mine. No words can accurately describe her checking on me in the dead of night when I got sick as a little girl. Her hand on my forehead, and her voice near me did more than any amount of medicine ever could. No words can capture moments of making homemade pizzas when I had overnight company or bunny cakes near my birthday. No words can measure the amount of support she gave to me in middle school, when she guarded me against the cruelties of others by constantly telling me that I was someone to be proud of. No words can retell phone conversations in college where she told me that she believed in me and helped me to believe in myself. There are no words to describe my mother. She is God's gift to me, a force of good given to help guide me through this life. She is is the lie-detector that keeps me honest and the laughter that keeps me smiling. She is the warrior that keeps me strong and the reality check that keeps me sane. We may disagree sometimes, but I know where she stands all the time: behind me in support or beside me in love. So, mommy, I want you to know today and everyday that I am blessed to be your daughter, and I hope that I become more like the woman you are: a woman of strength and fearlessness and laughter and love. I love you.

Word of the Month: Delightful

Ok, there are two disclaimers for this blog. First, it is late. This word was for March…but, my schedule (more like my slackness) hindered its writing. Second, this blog was probably one of the hardest for me to write, because it is something that I struggle with on a daily basis… so, let us just say that it was written in faith, that someday soon it won’t be such a difficult idea to grasp!

Word of the Month: Delightful

Let’s face it. Most days none of us feel delightful. I know I don’t… messy, dramatic, out of sorts, behind, busy, crazy, stressed, uncertain, yes. Delightful, no…not so much.

Maybe I am the only one… Maybe I am the only one who loses sight of the things that are delightful about me as they get slowly and steadily buried beneath lies and hurts. And when the lies and hurts keep coming, one right after another, steady blow after blow for days or months or in some cases even years, we come face to face with this question: Is there anything delightful about me? When relationships change with no real explanation, we ask: What is so terrible about me? Is there nothing delightful, nothing lovable? When our reaction to a situation does not match how we know we should have acted, we respond: What is wrong with me? What inside of me is incapable of getting it right?

Each of these questions come down to one single fear… that there is nothing inside of us of value or worth delighting in.

I won’t even wait until the end of this blog to tell you this: Yes. Yes, there is something delightful about you. In all honesty, there are hundreds of delightful things about you. Just like there are hundreds of delightful things about me. But, in our humanness, we choose to focus on the broken, the messy, the dirt-smeared, and we allow our eyes to be blinded to the God-given beauty that we offer the world. We become debilitated by our own lack. Turning in all directions we see negative qualities, harsh comparisons, mistakes, misunderstandings… and we are frozen by our own brokenness. And this frozenness leads to forgetfulness because in the muck and the mire we lose sight of the fact that our God makes BEAUTIFUIL things. Period.

GOOD NEWS! We can’t stay blinded forever. Our Heavenly Father simply won’t allow His children to stay in that place. He gives us songs where the lyrics just fit, moments of stillness in nature where the colors are bright, or people whose words, smiles, or hugs are the tangible presence of God breaking through our fortresses of brokenness. Two weeks ago (I told you this blog was a hard one for me to write), a wonderful Man of God was that tangible presence in my life. He told me with all the bluntness and brutal honesty that his personality possesses that God was proud of me (even with my hang-ups, issues, and insecurities), and that the only thing wrong with me is that I think there is something wrong with me, that I think there is any infirmity that God’s love and grace and mercy Has not overcome.

Woah. That truth did for my soul what a cup of hot tea does for a sore throat. It stung and burned a little, but it soothed A LOT. My God is proud of me. But, more than that, my God finds me delightful. When He looks at me, He doesn’t just see the past wounds, the overwhelming fears and insecurities, the current hurts… He sees me: perfectly, totally, completely. He sees the me He pictured before the creation of time itself. He sees the me that His son died for. And what specifically does He see when He sees me?

Well, there’s no telling. I mean, He is God… but, I like to think that He sees a tender and compassionate heart, a woman who loves fiercely, feels deeply, and enjoys giving. He sees a person who loves to laugh and make others smile, cares for children and small animals, and enjoys the simple things in life. He knows all about my dislike of all types of insects and my love of good books, tea, and coffee. He knows that I am partial to Spring, but not too into Summer, that I love daisies and anything bright blue. He sees my birthmark on my shoulder, the odd shape of my head underneath layers of thick tresses, my symmetrically crooked teeth, the freckles that darken on my nose under rays of sun. He knows where I am most ticklish and the fact that I collect owls and elephants and tea pots. The fact that I have to listen to music and sing along practically 24/7 has not escaped His attention. He knows that given the choice I will ALWAYS go barefoot. In fact, He just does not know these things… He made me so. He created all of my complexities. He created EVERYTHING about me, everything unique and delightful that I can offer to the world around me. He knows me, and He knows YOU! Every. Single. Delightful. Detail.

Don’t believe it? Maybe, you’ll believe Beth Moore… In her book So Long Insecurity, she writes, “God Himself formed human emotions. He knows how easily the heart can be broken. The mind can be marred. He knows life hurts…because people hurt…and then hurt people. He also knows the resilience with which He made us and the innate capacity within each one of us to be restored. Remade. He knows we are capable of loving even when we feel unloved because He loves us enough to cover those who don’t. He knows we are not nearly as fragile as we think we are, but we will act like who we believe ourselves to be. He knows we have the capacity to be astoundingly extraordinary, and not just in spite of where we’ve been but because of it.”

Still don’t believe it? How about from the Word of God… Psalm 103:13-14 says, “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; FOR HE KNOWS HOW WE ARE FORMED.”

He knows how we are formed because it was His idea all along. He knows us. He loves us. He finds joy in us, in our lives our laughter, and even in our struggles, He delights in our reliance on Him and our yielded hearts.

He delights in you. He delights in me. He delights in us. The King of the Universe made you, made every single characteristic. And, based on that logic alone… if the King of the Universe made us, there is something, hundreds of things about us that are delightful!

On Making A Mess Of Things...

I continue to be surprised by the messes I can create. Which, I mean, I really should not be all that surprised… we are talking about a flawed to the core, overly emotional, overly sensitive human being who lets her mouth run when it should be her feet running her burdens on over to Jesus. Am I the only one who can relate to this feeling of NEVER being able to get it right? I have the best intentions… but as the timeless adage says the path to a not so pleasant place is paved with those.

If we are all brutally honest with ourselves, the intention is not the most important thing. As a friend of mine reminds me during moments such as these, wisdom is proven right by its RESULTS, not by its intentions (unfortunately!). I would be one of the wisest people in the world if intentions were all that mattered. The thing that continues to stump, send me into a tailspin, and send me flying back under the cover of my Father is this fact: as much as we would like to lean on the crutch of good intentions, delivery and timing are irreplaceable. Our God is a God of order and He deserves a Spirit-led, discerning, well-timed people.

Our best intentions mean NOTHING if we try to take the place of God in a situation, if we try to do His work by correcting injustice, changing hearts, or just simply jumping the gun. His timing is always perfect…

So, this must mean that our intentions are not the problem. Our mouths are.

Think about it… good intentions + bad timing = a mess. Or, good intentions + poor delivery = a mess. Or even, good intentions + bad timing + poor delivery = pack your bags and move to Australia! Seriously though, I cannot coast through life on the basis of my intentions. If my intentions are honorable, but my words are haphazardly chosen, I change nothing. If my intentions are honorable, but it is not the God ordained time for those words to come out of my mouth, the situation gets worse instead of better. The good and shiny intentions get covered by the slime and muck stirred when I take it upon myself to step into a situation. And let’s all be real, God is SO MUCH MORE capable of fixing situations or dealing with people’s hearts and behaviors than we WILL EVER be. So, I am praying to learn (before I create another gigantic mess for myself) to restrain my good intentions (my desire for justice and fairness) with good timing and a Godly delivery.

I am so looking forward to becoming a woman of good intentions and good timing, a woman whose words and reactions always do justice to the motives of her heart.

That’s where I'm at on the journey.