A Year with Fear

I am a fearful person. There, I said it. It's out there.

Now, while fear in some shapes and forms helps you avoid stupid decisions and keeps you safe. For me, it has a gripping hold on my life. It has determined where I have gone, what I've said, and how I have felt.

What am I afraid of?

When I was a child, this question was so much more straightforward. The dark...lightening...bugs(I still am not a big fan!).But, when you grow up fear takes a deeper root. For me, it began to touch more important things.

The fear of failure.
The fear of loneliness.
The fear of anger.
The fear of rejection.
The fear of being truly seen.
The fear of being truly heard.
The fear of not being good enough.

All this fear in my life, and the strange thing is, I can't remember how it got there. I can't tell you why I fear these things or how it started or why it still exists...it just does.

Most of the time, I can hide it. I seem happy and light-hearted and free. The people who know me, know that I have a rabbit-heart, one which races with insecurity and awkwardness. Those who really know me, know how deep the fear really goes. It was the words of one of these people that got me thinking about my struggle with fear.

After church one Sunday, my friend told me: I prayed for your debilitating fear. My reaction, of course, was: My what?!?! Sure, I have fears, but come on...debilitating...seriously? Well, through much self-study and prayer, I discovered that she was absolutely right (hence the adamant statement and list above).

Once I admitted it to myself, once I acknowledged that I have a "fear problem," I started to wonder what I was going to do about it. I mean, it is not a light switch problem. You can't just turn it on and off! This wondering ultimately turned into a new year's resolution.

I am resolved. I refuse to wallow in fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of sound mind."
So, I have decided to spend a year with fear. I am reading every verse in the Bible that deals with fear, and I am looking forward to experiencing what God has to show me. I believe that my God is in the freedom business. He is able to free me from all fear.

I encourage you to take this journey with me! Spend a year with fear. What are you afraid of?