Oak Trees

Sitting beneath the shade of the oak,
Its base a wall against me.
Its branches stretching their arms to heaven,
Worshiping their Maker.
The cool grass beneath me,
Softly swaying in the wind,
Dancing for their Maker.
The wind that blows,
Rustling,
Talking to their Maker.
I sit beneath the shade of the oak,
and join them in their worship.

Birthday Blog

My birthday is March 31. So yes, this blog is no longer accurately titled. However, since its contents will focus mainly on the events of yesterday, I hope people will let it slide.

There is nothing like a birthday (even one in which said person is turning twenty-two)to make you feel like a small child again!

With the stress of three tests (Religion, American Literature, and Shakespeare: What a mix!!) heavily on my mind, I was not quite sure if my birthday would be a day of happiness or anxiety. Silly me! I forget what good gifts my Heavenly Father gives to His children!

Even though I had to wake up SUPER early in order to get some studying done, the first thing my sleep-filled eyes saw after turning off the alarm on my phone was a text message from a friend. This 4:48 AM "Happy Birthday!" greeting just started the day off with such optimism!
Then, there was the traditional singing phone call from my wonderful parents. Now, after twenty-two years, you think I would come to expect it, and it would become some routine. No. Not for me, at least. Upon seeing my Mom's name flash on my caller ID, I literally giggled with anticipation.

That was the just the start. The start of the calls, voicemails, texts, and Facebook comments that reinforced a single idea: I am blessed! Once I finished my three tests, another class, and library research, I hit the road for home. With the whimsical tunes of Eisley cranked up on my stereo, I basked in the warmth of a sun that had FINALLY decided to show its bright face.

Once at home, there were cards to be read, gifts to be opened, and hugs to be received. There was the traditional dinner with the parentals and the best friend/best friend's PRECIOUS husband. There was birthday coffee with mighty women of God.
And then, there was simply me: a smile plastered on my face and joy firmly rooted in my heart and soul because of the gift of TODAY. To me, birthdays are reminders that God loves me and has blessed me far more than I can ever adequately explain! Even when I spend the rest of my life singing His wonders and telling of His love, I can never touch the depth of just how much He loves me, just how much He loves us.

Fish and Grits

I spent the afternoon with my aunt, uncle, and cousins in Columbia today, and I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing in this world more heart-warming than being around family.




My Uncle Bill is probably the funniest man alive. With his perfectly timed, witty remarks, he can have me choking on my water in three seconds flat. But, he also makes me think. He has a heart for missions, and he spends his life in service to others. I can only hope that my life can have the impact that his has had in the community in which he lives.

My Aunt Stephanie is a petite firecracker. She seems small and sweet (which she is!), but she packs a punch! Smart, sassy, Southern to the core...she is the Queen of that house. However, the love that her sons and husband have for her is written all over their faces.

Then there are my cousins. At 17 and 20, "my boys" constantly make me smile. Daniel will be transferring to USC in the Fall. Because he is tall, quiet, and serious, at first glance you would wonder how in the world he is related to us! Then, you hear his dry, sarcastic wit and see the grin sweep across his face. At that moment, his place in the family becomes crystal clear. He is a man of silent strength, hidden sensitivity, and wisdom beyond his twenty years.

Nathan is a kindred spirit. Like me, he is the youngest sibling, dramatic, and full of emotions. Also, he is one of the most creative and imaginative people that I know. An artist, pianist, cook, baker, cartoonist, and comedian, he is charismatic and never meets a stranger. If you want to cry from laughter, listen to his imitations of famous people or family members.

It is amazing how family just fits. As I sat eating a dinner of fish and grits with these four people, I realized how blessed I was to be laughing and talking with them. My Aunt and Uncle have watched me grow up. My cousins and I spent tons of Saturdays playing Star Wars and Legos or climbing trees and chasing each other with fake guns. I witnessed Nathan's Buzz Lightyear phase. I was at Daniel's highschool graduation. In May, they all will be sitting in the audience at my college graduation.

As we scraped the last bit of grits out of our bowls, piano tunes and laughter mingled with the sound of silverware, These are the sounds of family. These are the sounds of blessings...blessings given that are much more than what I deserve.

Coffee Drinking

I sit down in August
holding my large, scalding coffee
to sip coffee at a table,
a table for two, the cup sitting and
leaving a ring of scalding brown
for the next coffee-drinker; and as I hold my cup
raising the lid to my lips, the liquid runs
down my throat and burns my tongue,
as loneliness does, that peculiar force that
flows swift and strong and harsh
highly-heated, down into the heart,
which bubbles, burns, and bites while I am
sitting, at a scalding table for two
all alone while coffee drinking in August.

*Inspired by "Blackberry Eating" by Galway Kinnell

Wishes for a Terrible Tuesday...

Today was one of the most exhausting and overwhelming days I have had in the long time. It may be the plague I am currently carrying (a.k.a. a cold/sinus infection/something) or the fact that I have major Senioritis, but my long list of things to do seems to be multiplying like rabbits. I need a break. I need to escape, even if it just for the few moments that it takes to compile this whimsical list.

Wishes for today:

1. This paper would write itself.
2. A never-ending supply of hot tea would find its way to my room.
3. There would be a revival of Jane Austen style dresses and courtship rituals.
4. The caf would serve something other than a meat product with ketchup on it or chicken.
5. A vase of daisies sitting daintily on my desk...what a lovely picture that would be.
6. Kate Rusby or Eisley would come and perform a concert on the front lawn.
7. People will write letters again instead of sending texts or facebook messages.
8. A trip to Istanbul is free.
9. No more depressing literature will be assigned this semester.
10. There will be time to write for fun today.

Ah well, a girl can dream...

A Year With Fear: When I am afraid...

When my giant concordance first told me to turn to Genesis 20:11, I was immediately confused. I could not actually find the word "fear" in my version of this verse.

However, I soon discovered that just because the word isn't there, it doesn't mean that the issue isn't.

Genesis 20:11 lands you right in the middle of the story of Abraham, Sarah, and King Abimelech of Gerar. In the verse Abraham replies to the king, "I thought, 'This is a godless place. They will want my wife and will kill me to get her.' You discover, earlier in the passage, that Abraham has lied to King Abimelech and told him that Sarah is his sister.

Confused about why this verse is listed under "Fear" in the concordance? So was I...at first. Until I stopped and asked myself "Why?".

Why did Abraham lie?

Answer: He was afraid, but more than that he was TERRIFIED.

He felt that his very life was in danger, that the king of this "godless place" would kill him and take Sarah for his own. Because of his fear, he didn't think of the consequences of his actions, instead he simply reacted to his emotions. Because of his rash, fear-driven decision he put an entire kingdom at risk. If God had not come to King Abimelech in a dream and told him that Sarah was a married women, according to the Scripture, the king would have been a "dead man." Once he found out, though, Abimelech gave Sarah back to her husband, and he gave them gifts of slaves, sheep, goats, and cattle.

So what does this have to with me--and my fears?

It all comes down to what I do when I am afraid. Now, I may not lie, but I run from fear. I hide. I avoid. And just like Abraham, my actions showcase a lack of faith and trust in a God who protects, provides, and plans.

I try to take matters into my own hands. I make rash decisions--decisions that sometimes have huge consequences for me and those around me, instead of believing in the promises of my God.

Luckily for me (and for Abraham) my God has a wonderfully, amazing habit of stepping in and fixing the mess that I have made for myself. It's His way of reminding me, "Do you see the kind of God that I am? So, don't let fear creep in. Trust me!"

A Year with Fear

I am a fearful person. There, I said it. It's out there.

Now, while fear in some shapes and forms helps you avoid stupid decisions and keeps you safe. For me, it has a gripping hold on my life. It has determined where I have gone, what I've said, and how I have felt.

What am I afraid of?

When I was a child, this question was so much more straightforward. The dark...lightening...bugs(I still am not a big fan!).But, when you grow up fear takes a deeper root. For me, it began to touch more important things.

The fear of failure.
The fear of loneliness.
The fear of anger.
The fear of rejection.
The fear of being truly seen.
The fear of being truly heard.
The fear of not being good enough.

All this fear in my life, and the strange thing is, I can't remember how it got there. I can't tell you why I fear these things or how it started or why it still exists...it just does.

Most of the time, I can hide it. I seem happy and light-hearted and free. The people who know me, know that I have a rabbit-heart, one which races with insecurity and awkwardness. Those who really know me, know how deep the fear really goes. It was the words of one of these people that got me thinking about my struggle with fear.

After church one Sunday, my friend told me: I prayed for your debilitating fear. My reaction, of course, was: My what?!?! Sure, I have fears, but come on...debilitating...seriously? Well, through much self-study and prayer, I discovered that she was absolutely right (hence the adamant statement and list above).

Once I admitted it to myself, once I acknowledged that I have a "fear problem," I started to wonder what I was going to do about it. I mean, it is not a light switch problem. You can't just turn it on and off! This wondering ultimately turned into a new year's resolution.

I am resolved. I refuse to wallow in fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of sound mind."
So, I have decided to spend a year with fear. I am reading every verse in the Bible that deals with fear, and I am looking forward to experiencing what God has to show me. I believe that my God is in the freedom business. He is able to free me from all fear.

I encourage you to take this journey with me! Spend a year with fear. What are you afraid of?