Distorted and Distracted

I dropped my phone today. And, of course, I dropped it face down—so the screen cracked. The plastic wholeness was mangled by spider web cracks across the upper portion. It still works. The artwork by Kelly Rae Roberts still shows up whimsical and bright. But, there the cracks are, distorting my view and distracting me. Once I got past the initial “Grrrr!” of having broken my phone, I could sense it. That still small voice in my heart speaking to me, telling me: “It is not just a phone. Look closer.” The prompting in my heart and spirit did not stop until I realized: That phone is a lot like me. I still work. I still function. But, how I see myself, my relationships, my life—is cracked, distorted… in one word: broken. For the entirety of this year, God has been revealing and uprooting things in my life that do not belong. And while there has been growth (thank you, Lord!), there has been much pain, much change, and many many moments of feelings that resemble crazy. But, the glasses through which I see myself and my relationships with everyone around me have not yet been removed. How much longer will the beauty of my life and the love of others be distorted to me? How did I become this person…this fearful, anxious creature who loves but is afraid to let others too near? What part of my past still has claims to my future? What do I do now? That last question is the kicker. What. Do. I. Do. Now. Do I run? Do I cry? Do I push my feelings aside? As easy as those options feel, I don’t believe that is the path to healing or freedom or victory. And that is what I WANT . I yearn for a life of freedom and victory. I want a life of overcoming. I want a life that points others to the faithfulness and strength of God. So I simply stand here, believing that when my view is distorted and my heart and spirit are distracted, God is there. And when I pray to Him to send me people to surround me, love me, forgive me, and tell me the truth about who I am and whose I am… I know He will do that too. That’s where I am at on the journey.