Change is coming...

So yesterday was a stressful day... I discovered, in passing of course, two deadlines that I was not aware of. This means that I had a minor freak out last night... minor being a panic level of 4 on a scale of 10. With that stressed out, tight feeling in my chest growing, I prayed, listened to mellow tunes, and attempted to focus on the tasks at hand. I was sort of successful at it.

However, this morning after my delicious cup of coffee, everything I was worried about yesterday shifted. The gigantic events of 24 hours ago that consumed about an hour's worth of my life, shrouding it in worry and anxiety, had minimized. Due to the understanding of a wonderfully caring professor and a super productive block of free time, the obstacles disappeared.

This is like our lives. Whatever we are going through right now, whether you are in school, in a job, in a marriage,in a friendship,or in a family, we all have times where we feel overwhelemed. We all have times where the mountains seem too high, where we feel too alone, and where there is simply not enough time. But in the morning after a prayer, a good conversation with loved ones, a good night's sleep, or a good cup of coffee, everything can change.

We feel like we are stuck in these stressful times, but the truth is, change is coming. Like wonderfully cool Fall follows the sweltering heat of Summer, life moves on. The anxiety, the stress, the pain...none of this can last forever. They are the seasons of our lives that we must go through, but JOY, thank the Lord, always follows!

Sometimes I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me...

And no, I am not typing this to fish for compliments or security or whatever, but today I was struck with the realization that I may be anti-social. For most of you who know me, this may seem like a shock. I am loud. I love to talk and laugh and be goofy, but I have to be really comfortable with people before that side of me comes to the surface.

So, maybe the better question is: Do I have multiple personalities or something?

When I know you, I am loud and crazy. When I don't know you, I could not possibly be more silent or awkward. Truly, it is the getting to know people part that I find bothersome. I mean, I hate mixers. I take no joy out of the mixing process. In fact, the whole idea of entering a room full of strangers and having to sum up my personality and interests in three minutes makes me queasy. I would rather go to the doctor than go to something like that...what does that mean?

What is Success

I rediscovered a poem today, that I have not read since I was a Senior in highschool:

What is success?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.

This poem seemed appropriate, since I am on the verge of beginning my Senior year in college.
Some days...not most days... but some days, I feel as if I am waiting for my life to start. It is like I am caught in this inbetween space. I am not fully child, but I am not fully adult. Today was one of those days... Has my life been a successful one thus far? I mean, has it been successful in the ways that truly count? What does my life say about me? What am I waiting for?

Business vs. Love

So, today, I came into contact with books in two very different environments. First, I had to go to school and buy my textbooks for all of my classes. Since I am taking two English classes, several of these purchases were novels. Wonderful, right? Not so much... Book buying at school stresses me out. Books are a big business. For five paperback books, I paid $300. I found no pleasure in handing my schedule to the student worker, waiting in line as she stacked books and placed them on the counter, grabbing my "treasures" (a term I use for MANY novels), and walking to the register. I could not wait to get out of that bookstore!

Now, about half an hour later, I found myself surrounded by more books. This time, though, I was in a small house that operates as a used book store. Imagine if you will, rooms filled with floor to ceiling bookshelves. Each section, whether titled "Poetry," "Ghost Stories," "Literature," or "Travel," brings the possibility of finding something that you have been searching for as a reader. Standing in front of one of the shelves, I could not help but breathe in that old book smell. I am a major dork, I know... and I'm ok with that. This place was all about LOVE. The love of good literature, the love of an untold story, the love of facts and figures weaved perfectly into a new world, the love of escapism, the love of language... This was the kind of bookstore I could stay in forever!!

In a world where EVERYTHING seems to be big business, where EVERYTHING seems to be about profit and the bottom line, it was nice to kneel in front of an aged bookshelf like some kind of treasure hunter. I scoured $1-3 books, bought two, and relaxed in the idea that to some people, BOOKS were still about READERS who loved them, and not about how much they could sell them for.