Weakness is Weakness

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." ~2 Corinthians 12:9

There it is. God uses our weaknesses. Christians everywhere agree. I mean, this verse makes it pretty clear. However, it seems to me that there is a huge difference in the way the Body of Christ views physical weaknesses versus emotional ones.

Physical weaknesses are the things we accept. Ligaments are torn. Lungs are asthmatic. Migraines can be inherited. We feel free to tell our brothers and sisters when we struggle with these things. We ask for prayer openly.

Emotional weaknesses are the things we hide. We plaster on a smile when all we want to do is cry. We fake it with small talk. We bury it beneath activities and full schedules. No one around knows about these weaknesses until the dam breaks and the flood threatens to sweep everything away.

This is wrong. And it is not only wrong, but it is also disastrous.

Fear. Depression. Loneliness. Anger. Anxiety. Addiction. All of these issues are real to the many people who struggle with them, but so few people want to admit that they are battling these overwhelming emotions. Why?

Is it sometimes because Christians lose their patience with these weaknesses? I don't think I've ever heard a Christian tell his brother or sister, "So what? Your back has been causing you pain for two years...Get over it, already! Suck it up and move that box!" But, do we treat people with emotional weaknesses with the same amount of patience and care? Or do we tell the fear-ridden: "That's a silly thing to be afraid of!" The lonely: "Stop focusing on yourself so much!" The anxious: "Put yourself out there!" The depressed: "You've got to get over this stuff and move on!"

Fact: God can use all weaknesses. Fact: The Body of Christ needs people, and people come in unlimited varieties with different strengths, hang ups, and weaknesses. God can use all physical and emotional weaknesses if we let Him. As one devotional I recently read mentioned, He will turn our MESS into His MESSAGE. He does not want us to remain where we are. He does not want us to remain bound to anger, depression, guilt, grief, or fear. And through HIS power, we will overcome.

The overcoming of weaknesses, whether physical or emotional is EQUALLY miraculous. Seeing a person who has struggled with blindness suddenly be able to see IS JUST AS miraculous as seeing a person who struggled with trust be able to love and let others in. It is God who is responsible for both miracles. It is God who comes in and transforms. If there is no difference in the miracles, then why do we treat people differently? Weakness is weakness.

Children's Church Lessons

This previous Sunday was my second run as a team leader for Children's Church. And while I believe that as a team, God is using us to teach the children of our church some things about Him and His Word, I also believe that He is using the children to teach us... or, at least teach me!

This week, we talked about following God's way. One specific Object Lesson was about following His way of compassion. I explained to the kids that compassion is feeling for someone else. You see someone else in pain or in need, and you feel for them. However, compassion doesn't stop there. Compassion is not JUST a feeling; it is an action. You see a need, and you do everything within your power to make it better or to make it right. Compassion doesn't merely notice the feelings of others, but it responds to those feelings in the appropriate way.

Seems simple enough, right?

Well, the lesson kind of hit home for me Sunday because of the actions of one of the precios boys that I am blessed to get to watch grow up. He was sitting on the front row with the others boys his age. After all young gentlemen had filed in, I noticed a new child sitting by himself on the back row. Already nervous about facing the strange experience of Children's Church, the boy was doubly nervous now. The only person he knew was one of the girls who was seated across the room and three rows ahead of him.

I went over to my friends' son and told him, "See that boy on the back row. Well, he's new, and he has not made any friends yet. Would you mind helping him feel included today?" Without hesitation or a second thought, he got up, walked to the back row, and sat down. After introducing himself, he asked the boy's name and stayed by his side the entire time. He even played on his team in a game, and when the competition was over and the two headed back to their seats, he patted him on the back and said, "You did really good."

And all of this took place BEFORE the Object Lesson on Compassion was taught. God works in mysterious ways, right?

It was simple to that child. A need was brought to his attention. He could do something about it. So, he did. End of story. No questions asked. No arguing. No, "Aw, why me?? This is really not a convenient time!" He felt for someone, and he did what was in his power to make it right.

How often do I do this? Do I see the needs around me as opportunities to show the love of Christ, or, do I care about others only to the extent that it does not mess with my plans or my neat little world? Am I filled with a love that does not allow me to stand still when things around me are wrong? Or, is compassion merely a feeling that does not extend to action? If so... it's basically worthless.

We can all learn alot from the children in our lives.

Nakedness

Ah, my shocking blog title has drawn you in... success!

There is a thought-provoking quote by C.S. Lewis in his book entitled The Four Loves which says, "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship (will have) naked personalities." According to Webster's, the word Naked is defined as "Not covered by clothing; lacking embellishment; unarmed and defenseless; and devoid of concealment or disguise."

As I was thinking about this quote today, I realized that there are a select few people who witness my naked personality. These individuals get to experience a personality that is raw, stripped down, simple, lacking in pretense or defenses.

They know a woman who:
Over-reacts.
Is entirely too sensitive.
Gets frazzled easily.
Is racked with insecurity.
Has a knack for awkwardness.
Speaks without thinking first (often, unfortunately).
Questions herself and her motives.
Worries.
Wonders what her life will be about.

However, these same people who deal with the crazy conversations, the emotionallly upheaved phone calls, and the over-blown situational scenarios also get to witness something else entirely.

See, these same people also know a woman who:
Desires God to use her.
Values loyalty.
Loves fiercely.
Feels deeply.
Gladly bears the burdens of others.
Enjoys a good story and hearty laugh.
Wants to make a difference in the lives of those she knows.
Dreams big.

I have discovered that without nakedness people get nothing. Sure, they don't have to expose themselves to criticism or rejection, but they also are never known and therefore, never know others. Friendship, as C.S. Lewis wrote about it and as God intended it to be, takes the good with the bad.

Nakedness/Vulnerability is terrifying, but it is also necessary. It is necessary for love (as an action--not as a flighty feeling) to develop. It is necessary for healing to take place. It is necessary for others as much as it is for ourselves. Because, C.S. Lewis also pointed something else out about relationships when he wrote, "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

I have a hard time believing that I am the only sensitive, over-reactor in the world. I have a hard time believing that I am the only one who sometimes feels insecure and less than enough.

I have a hard time believing that other people don't need to know that they are not alone.

So, the question is: Who have you been naked with lately?

Unstoppable

If I were to take a poll, how many people would have heard of a Hoplite Phalanx? Like, one or two. Ok, different question, how many people have seen the film 300 or know even a smidge about Spartan culture and combat? Plenty. Plenty of people have seen the film or know about this Greek City-State's fascination, nay, obsession with military might and strength. Therefore, plenty of people know what a Hoplite Phalanx is.

A Hoplite Phalanx is a military term. I am no military history fanatic, but bear with me... Basicaly, lines of men would stand right next to eachother. Line after line of men would form a phalanx. In this unit, each man would hold his shield on his left arm. Meaning, that alone, only the left half of his body would be covered. However, in the phalanx, he was secure and protected. As long as every Spartan soldier held his shield up, the man next to him was COMPLETELY protected. The entire front of his body was covered by, not only his own shield, but also by his brother's shield.

In all actuality, Spartan soldiers had no different weapons than their Greek counterparts. It wasn't individual skill that made them a sight to behold on the battlefield. As individuals, they were ordinary. As a unit, they were unstoppable. Spartans understood this. That is why, at a ridiculously young age, boys were brought to barracks to live. They ate, trained, and grew up inside a tight unit. These were the family they chose.

My mind has been going back to the phalanx recently. And, I could not escape how it can really represent a beautiful aspect of the Church. The body of believers is really the family WE choose. They are our non-blood related sisters and brothers, our spiritual mothers and fathers. They are the people that we grow with. They've seen us young in our Christian walk. They've watched us mature. And, they face battles alongside us.

More importantly, the phalanx shows that for the Church to be unstoppable, we must begin to work as a unit. We cannot merely cover our own butts with a shield and expect a victory. No, we have to worry about the brother (or sister) next to us. No one soldier is more valuable than the other. That is not to say that we lose our individuality in the body of believers! Absolutely not! God made each and every one of us INDIVIDUALLY. Notice this: In ancient Sparta, each soldier had to be well trained and well prepared. If they could not carry a shield or did not have the courage to stand against an onslaught, the entire phalanx was put at risk. Each Spartan had to be at their best, but not for the glory of themselves. It was for the glory of Sparta. The phalanx was made up of individuals who each had a role to play and gave themselves entirely to that calling. The same should be true for us...

Each individual has gifts and talents. Each individual has a calling by God. However, it is not for our glory, but for the glory of Christ. No one person is so special that they no longer are required to look out for the men and women around them. To be unstoppable, we must begin to protect, not only ourselves and our own interests, but the interests of the family we have chosen.

Culinary Chronicles: Afternoon Trip to India

Whenever I am home alone, I enjoy cooking without exactly knowing what I am trying to do. I can crank up the music and just go at it: chopping, seasoning, and mixing. No one is counting on it for a meal (besides me...and I can run to a drive through in case of a disaster!). This past weekend I tried my hand at a chicken currry and mixed veggies. Result: Success!



All you need to complete this recipe is boneless skinless chicken breasts, curry seasoning, olive oil, and fresh veggies. I chose raw mushrooms, three types of peppers, fresh garlic, and onion. I sauteed them until they were nice and soft (which is my personal preference). Then, I cooked up my chicken chunks which had been soaked in olive oil and curry seasoning for about thirty minutes.



To add to the deliciousness, I bought some Naan bread from the store. If you ever cook Indian or Moroccan, buy some Naan bread!! Seriously, you'll be glad you did. You can brush it with olive oil and garlic powder or you can just toast it in the oven like I did this time. I figured that would be alotta garlic since I already had the fresh variety in the veggies! :)



Once everything is cooked, you can serve the dish over lettuce leaves, or merely on a plate. Honestly, I felt like being a little dramatic! :) Warning: The curry smell will take over the kitchen...and the rest of the house!

Enjoy the deliciousness! :)

Rings

While headed to work recently, I got caught behind a logging truck. Stacked on top of each other, tree trunks were displayed for the entire world to see. Each one showcased a distinct ring in its center. I realized that when I was younger, I knew what those rings meant. After a few minutes of internet research, the meaning was rediscovered. According to an online resource, the rings on a tree do oh so much more than tell its age. On one website, a tree was studied and researchers said, “This tree is 62 years old. It’s been through fire and drought, plague and plenty. And all of this is recorded in its rings.” It is not just the measurable years that show in a tree’s rings—it’s the conditions. It’s the harsh, the temperate, the pleasurable, and the barely-survivable.

Sometimes I think that our hearts show our age the way the rings of a tree do. Our hearts are scarred, darkened, or refreshed all depending on the seasons we’ve survived or thrived through. We hold deep dark wounds from periods of drought, periods where love was too little and the pressures of life were too intense. We all have lighter years where blessings and joy seems to flow like a steady, pleasant rain. The truth is, we all show age—not because of our measurable years but because of our experiences and our environments. Bitterness and burdens add years to the heart.

I think this is what God does when He makes us new. Sure, He can change our circumstances. He can change and restore our relationships. He can heal us in a physical sense. But, I like to think that God is really in the business of making hearts new. He can remove the hurt and harm. He can transform the dark years that were plagued by dryness and doubt. He can take a heart that has been bruised and broken, a heart that is aged in the worst sense of the word, and make it brand new.

Culinary Chronicles: Berry Awesomeness

I have never used puff pastry in a dessert before. Ok, in all honesty, I have never used puff pastry for anything, but I have always wanted to try working with it in a dessert.



Puff pastry sheets are found in the frozen food section (near the pie shells). While unfolding the sheet that had been in the freezer for about a week, the three sections broke. I decided just to go with it and make individual desserts instead of one big dish. They have to thaw for about forty minutes (I just thawed them until they started to get all doughy) before baking for 15-20 minutes.



Don't even try to tell me that those don't look like little pieces of fluffy heaven. I used an egg wash to give them that pretty golden brown coloring on the top. They are perfectly flaky, and the smell... well, let's just say I had a hard time preparing the other parts of the dessert because of it! :)



Since it is Summer, I decided to use strawberries and blueberries. I love strawberries (a rarity for me, because I am not normally a huge fruit advocate), and my parents like blueberries. Also, they are pretty little berries, in my opinion.



Come on, tell me you don't think they are a lovely fruit! I suspect they are even lovelier covered in vanilla pudding. No, not instant vanilla pudding or the kind in the plastic cups that end up in little kid's lunches, but vanilla pudding cooked slow and steady on the stove. It tastes like the custard in my grandma's homemade banana pudding. Once you have tasted it, instant is no longer even a possibility... it changes everything. No lie!



The finished product. Layers of puff pastry separated by strawberries, blueberries, and pudding with a little cool whip for good measure. Experiment a success!

Enjoy the deliciousness! :)

Culinary Chronicles: Adventures with Asparagus

So normally, I am not a big fan of asparagus. Sometimes it can be too chewy and too stringy... and well, too gross. However, recently I ate a piece of delicious asparagus quiche at The Victoria tea room. I tried to mimic this recipe at home.

Surprisingly, asparagus gives an amazingly unique flavor to quiche, and combined with hamburger meat, mushrooms, onion, and cheese, it was quite filling!

This quiche recipe makes two:

4 eggs
1 can Cream of Celery soup
1/2 cup milk

1/2 pack hamburger meat
1/2 onion
1 small can mushrooms
1 can asparagus
As much cheese as you like :)

Cook hamburger meat. Chop veggies. Pour meat, veggies, and cheese equally into shells. Top with egg mixture. Bake at 350 for thirty minutes or until a knife comes out of the center clean.

Enjoy the deliciousness!

Oak Trees

Sitting beneath the shade of the oak,
Its base a wall against me.
Its branches stretching their arms to heaven,
Worshiping their Maker.
The cool grass beneath me,
Softly swaying in the wind,
Dancing for their Maker.
The wind that blows,
Rustling,
Talking to their Maker.
I sit beneath the shade of the oak,
and join them in their worship.

Birthday Blog

My birthday is March 31. So yes, this blog is no longer accurately titled. However, since its contents will focus mainly on the events of yesterday, I hope people will let it slide.

There is nothing like a birthday (even one in which said person is turning twenty-two)to make you feel like a small child again!

With the stress of three tests (Religion, American Literature, and Shakespeare: What a mix!!) heavily on my mind, I was not quite sure if my birthday would be a day of happiness or anxiety. Silly me! I forget what good gifts my Heavenly Father gives to His children!

Even though I had to wake up SUPER early in order to get some studying done, the first thing my sleep-filled eyes saw after turning off the alarm on my phone was a text message from a friend. This 4:48 AM "Happy Birthday!" greeting just started the day off with such optimism!
Then, there was the traditional singing phone call from my wonderful parents. Now, after twenty-two years, you think I would come to expect it, and it would become some routine. No. Not for me, at least. Upon seeing my Mom's name flash on my caller ID, I literally giggled with anticipation.

That was the just the start. The start of the calls, voicemails, texts, and Facebook comments that reinforced a single idea: I am blessed! Once I finished my three tests, another class, and library research, I hit the road for home. With the whimsical tunes of Eisley cranked up on my stereo, I basked in the warmth of a sun that had FINALLY decided to show its bright face.

Once at home, there were cards to be read, gifts to be opened, and hugs to be received. There was the traditional dinner with the parentals and the best friend/best friend's PRECIOUS husband. There was birthday coffee with mighty women of God.
And then, there was simply me: a smile plastered on my face and joy firmly rooted in my heart and soul because of the gift of TODAY. To me, birthdays are reminders that God loves me and has blessed me far more than I can ever adequately explain! Even when I spend the rest of my life singing His wonders and telling of His love, I can never touch the depth of just how much He loves me, just how much He loves us.

Fish and Grits

I spent the afternoon with my aunt, uncle, and cousins in Columbia today, and I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing in this world more heart-warming than being around family.




My Uncle Bill is probably the funniest man alive. With his perfectly timed, witty remarks, he can have me choking on my water in three seconds flat. But, he also makes me think. He has a heart for missions, and he spends his life in service to others. I can only hope that my life can have the impact that his has had in the community in which he lives.

My Aunt Stephanie is a petite firecracker. She seems small and sweet (which she is!), but she packs a punch! Smart, sassy, Southern to the core...she is the Queen of that house. However, the love that her sons and husband have for her is written all over their faces.

Then there are my cousins. At 17 and 20, "my boys" constantly make me smile. Daniel will be transferring to USC in the Fall. Because he is tall, quiet, and serious, at first glance you would wonder how in the world he is related to us! Then, you hear his dry, sarcastic wit and see the grin sweep across his face. At that moment, his place in the family becomes crystal clear. He is a man of silent strength, hidden sensitivity, and wisdom beyond his twenty years.

Nathan is a kindred spirit. Like me, he is the youngest sibling, dramatic, and full of emotions. Also, he is one of the most creative and imaginative people that I know. An artist, pianist, cook, baker, cartoonist, and comedian, he is charismatic and never meets a stranger. If you want to cry from laughter, listen to his imitations of famous people or family members.

It is amazing how family just fits. As I sat eating a dinner of fish and grits with these four people, I realized how blessed I was to be laughing and talking with them. My Aunt and Uncle have watched me grow up. My cousins and I spent tons of Saturdays playing Star Wars and Legos or climbing trees and chasing each other with fake guns. I witnessed Nathan's Buzz Lightyear phase. I was at Daniel's highschool graduation. In May, they all will be sitting in the audience at my college graduation.

As we scraped the last bit of grits out of our bowls, piano tunes and laughter mingled with the sound of silverware, These are the sounds of family. These are the sounds of blessings...blessings given that are much more than what I deserve.

Coffee Drinking

I sit down in August
holding my large, scalding coffee
to sip coffee at a table,
a table for two, the cup sitting and
leaving a ring of scalding brown
for the next coffee-drinker; and as I hold my cup
raising the lid to my lips, the liquid runs
down my throat and burns my tongue,
as loneliness does, that peculiar force that
flows swift and strong and harsh
highly-heated, down into the heart,
which bubbles, burns, and bites while I am
sitting, at a scalding table for two
all alone while coffee drinking in August.

*Inspired by "Blackberry Eating" by Galway Kinnell

Wishes for a Terrible Tuesday...

Today was one of the most exhausting and overwhelming days I have had in the long time. It may be the plague I am currently carrying (a.k.a. a cold/sinus infection/something) or the fact that I have major Senioritis, but my long list of things to do seems to be multiplying like rabbits. I need a break. I need to escape, even if it just for the few moments that it takes to compile this whimsical list.

Wishes for today:

1. This paper would write itself.
2. A never-ending supply of hot tea would find its way to my room.
3. There would be a revival of Jane Austen style dresses and courtship rituals.
4. The caf would serve something other than a meat product with ketchup on it or chicken.
5. A vase of daisies sitting daintily on my desk...what a lovely picture that would be.
6. Kate Rusby or Eisley would come and perform a concert on the front lawn.
7. People will write letters again instead of sending texts or facebook messages.
8. A trip to Istanbul is free.
9. No more depressing literature will be assigned this semester.
10. There will be time to write for fun today.

Ah well, a girl can dream...

A Year With Fear: When I am afraid...

When my giant concordance first told me to turn to Genesis 20:11, I was immediately confused. I could not actually find the word "fear" in my version of this verse.

However, I soon discovered that just because the word isn't there, it doesn't mean that the issue isn't.

Genesis 20:11 lands you right in the middle of the story of Abraham, Sarah, and King Abimelech of Gerar. In the verse Abraham replies to the king, "I thought, 'This is a godless place. They will want my wife and will kill me to get her.' You discover, earlier in the passage, that Abraham has lied to King Abimelech and told him that Sarah is his sister.

Confused about why this verse is listed under "Fear" in the concordance? So was I...at first. Until I stopped and asked myself "Why?".

Why did Abraham lie?

Answer: He was afraid, but more than that he was TERRIFIED.

He felt that his very life was in danger, that the king of this "godless place" would kill him and take Sarah for his own. Because of his fear, he didn't think of the consequences of his actions, instead he simply reacted to his emotions. Because of his rash, fear-driven decision he put an entire kingdom at risk. If God had not come to King Abimelech in a dream and told him that Sarah was a married women, according to the Scripture, the king would have been a "dead man." Once he found out, though, Abimelech gave Sarah back to her husband, and he gave them gifts of slaves, sheep, goats, and cattle.

So what does this have to with me--and my fears?

It all comes down to what I do when I am afraid. Now, I may not lie, but I run from fear. I hide. I avoid. And just like Abraham, my actions showcase a lack of faith and trust in a God who protects, provides, and plans.

I try to take matters into my own hands. I make rash decisions--decisions that sometimes have huge consequences for me and those around me, instead of believing in the promises of my God.

Luckily for me (and for Abraham) my God has a wonderfully, amazing habit of stepping in and fixing the mess that I have made for myself. It's His way of reminding me, "Do you see the kind of God that I am? So, don't let fear creep in. Trust me!"

A Year with Fear

I am a fearful person. There, I said it. It's out there.

Now, while fear in some shapes and forms helps you avoid stupid decisions and keeps you safe. For me, it has a gripping hold on my life. It has determined where I have gone, what I've said, and how I have felt.

What am I afraid of?

When I was a child, this question was so much more straightforward. The dark...lightening...bugs(I still am not a big fan!).But, when you grow up fear takes a deeper root. For me, it began to touch more important things.

The fear of failure.
The fear of loneliness.
The fear of anger.
The fear of rejection.
The fear of being truly seen.
The fear of being truly heard.
The fear of not being good enough.

All this fear in my life, and the strange thing is, I can't remember how it got there. I can't tell you why I fear these things or how it started or why it still exists...it just does.

Most of the time, I can hide it. I seem happy and light-hearted and free. The people who know me, know that I have a rabbit-heart, one which races with insecurity and awkwardness. Those who really know me, know how deep the fear really goes. It was the words of one of these people that got me thinking about my struggle with fear.

After church one Sunday, my friend told me: I prayed for your debilitating fear. My reaction, of course, was: My what?!?! Sure, I have fears, but come on...debilitating...seriously? Well, through much self-study and prayer, I discovered that she was absolutely right (hence the adamant statement and list above).

Once I admitted it to myself, once I acknowledged that I have a "fear problem," I started to wonder what I was going to do about it. I mean, it is not a light switch problem. You can't just turn it on and off! This wondering ultimately turned into a new year's resolution.

I am resolved. I refuse to wallow in fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of sound mind."
So, I have decided to spend a year with fear. I am reading every verse in the Bible that deals with fear, and I am looking forward to experiencing what God has to show me. I believe that my God is in the freedom business. He is able to free me from all fear.

I encourage you to take this journey with me! Spend a year with fear. What are you afraid of?

An Exceptional Path

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." ~Psalm 37: 23

My life feels absolutely ordinary. In all honesty, most of my days are spent doing nothing exceptional.

I sleep, wake, eat, laugh, talk, think, walk, study, read, write, smile, hug, frown, kiss, and watch. Then, a new day dawns, and I do all of this over again.

Sometimes, it feels as if God's plan for my life has not been kicked into motion yet. Is all the sleeping, waking, walking, studying, laughing, talking, etc. a contributing factor in a great plan for me? I have been basically doing what I've always done. Most days can't be an important part of the plan, right?

Wrong. Oh, so wrong.

This beautiful verse in Psalms contradicts every part of that statement. God delights in EVERY DETAIL of my life. Every detail. Every. Single. One.

It's like I am walking on a path. In some parts of the path there are roots sticking up out of the ground, and I trip and fall. In other parts of the path, the sun bathes my skin in warmth, and there is breathtaking scenic wonders. On the path, in some places, the trail is wide enough for a friend. However, in some places, the way is narrow, so I have to walk it alone. In numerous spots, rain can pour down, chilling me to the bone and making me want to turn back. Hills can get steep. Soil can get rocky. There are moments where I skip and run. Moments where I crawl.

Then there are moments where I can stroll. The path is comfortable, predictable even. I see the same things I always see. I walk at the same pace I always do. It does not even feel like I am walking on a path at all. I am just walking with no destination in mind.

However, all of that can change. Something new and different could be just around the bend.

And if not, I am still walking on the path...even if I feel differently sometimes.

Every day is part of the path or plan. Every moment has been perfectly planned out by Him. Every conversation, laugh, tear, smile, or frown is part of the life he set out for me since before I was born.

It's such a beautiful plan. It's such an exceptional path.